ah hong, will u really always be here?
the clock has juz struck midnight n its the 30th once again.. for the past 3 mths, every 30th night has been fitful n at best, bearable. i juz finished talking to my beloved cheeleng.. she'll be calling again at 2am aft i finish with tmr's slides. for some reason, being alone in my rm tonight is painful. i dunno exactly which part hurts. i juz noe my heart hurts, my head hurts, the back of my throat as well as the corner of my eyes hurt. for some reason, my fingertips hurt with each alphabet i type too. xq told me not to rmbr dates coz its the dates tt will hold me back. but alas, its sub-concious.
today i went jogging in the morn n blading at night. it was tiring but losing water through perspiration instead of tears makes me feel accomplished. haha. mayb coz hugging my pillow with my eyes all red n swollen is juz plain loserish behaviour. today while searching for my o-lvl cert, i found nicholas's photo. its still in tt cute flintstone frame n exactly as i rmbr it to be.. only, it has been pushed to the back of my cupboard, underneath all my rubbish, thinly covered by a veil of dust. lol. i guess tis really proves tt forever is nothing.
alot of ppl say i look better now. prettier, in fact. but someone out there once fell in love with the ugly duckling me. he didn't mind my spectacles n round belly n he accepted my every inch. tt day as william n i headed hm frm orchard parade hotel aft the SIP dinner, i looked for a familiar face at coffee bean. the him waiting for me to finish serving banquet juz so he cld escort me hm. the him whose chest i leaned on n cld fall asleep w/o being afraid of missing my stop. somehow, cold metal bars n hard glass panels cannot replace those skinny shoulders.
as we walked towards orchard mrt, wheelock place brought on fond memories. the 3 days i wrked, the 3 days he spent wandering orchard. nice is too small a wrd to describe the happiness i felt juz to hv someone to sympathise when unreasonable customers yell at me. n having someone waiting downstairs juz so i need not hv lunch alone was comforting.
reaching tampines n seeing a closed guardian left a sinking feeling in my stomach. there was no more early morn soya milk or sour skittles to perk me up. no more morning hugs n no more waiting times. i really cannot imagine tmr.. formal attire w/o my delivery of emergency plasters, much less disney princess ones. w/o his outstretched arm supporting a wobbly me. w/o someone to dress-up for. w/o someone to wake up specially to send me to sch.
i complained, i whined, i ranted abt how he didn't meet my expectations. but i failed to see the many times in which he met them n perhaps even surpassed them. the times where i was touched but instead of kissing him, i regarded it as my right to expect. i failed to recognize his effort in making me smile n i failed to appreciate the little things he did tt showed me how much he cared. it mayb too late now but hong, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for loving u the wrong way n assuming tt u liked it too.
i love u. i always hv n i hope somewhere inside u, i'm not juz tt another girl.
today i went jogging in the morn n blading at night. it was tiring but losing water through perspiration instead of tears makes me feel accomplished. haha. mayb coz hugging my pillow with my eyes all red n swollen is juz plain loserish behaviour. today while searching for my o-lvl cert, i found nicholas's photo. its still in tt cute flintstone frame n exactly as i rmbr it to be.. only, it has been pushed to the back of my cupboard, underneath all my rubbish, thinly covered by a veil of dust. lol. i guess tis really proves tt forever is nothing.
alot of ppl say i look better now. prettier, in fact. but someone out there once fell in love with the ugly duckling me. he didn't mind my spectacles n round belly n he accepted my every inch. tt day as william n i headed hm frm orchard parade hotel aft the SIP dinner, i looked for a familiar face at coffee bean. the him waiting for me to finish serving banquet juz so he cld escort me hm. the him whose chest i leaned on n cld fall asleep w/o being afraid of missing my stop. somehow, cold metal bars n hard glass panels cannot replace those skinny shoulders.
as we walked towards orchard mrt, wheelock place brought on fond memories. the 3 days i wrked, the 3 days he spent wandering orchard. nice is too small a wrd to describe the happiness i felt juz to hv someone to sympathise when unreasonable customers yell at me. n having someone waiting downstairs juz so i need not hv lunch alone was comforting.
reaching tampines n seeing a closed guardian left a sinking feeling in my stomach. there was no more early morn soya milk or sour skittles to perk me up. no more morning hugs n no more waiting times. i really cannot imagine tmr.. formal attire w/o my delivery of emergency plasters, much less disney princess ones. w/o his outstretched arm supporting a wobbly me. w/o someone to dress-up for. w/o someone to wake up specially to send me to sch.
i complained, i whined, i ranted abt how he didn't meet my expectations. but i failed to see the many times in which he met them n perhaps even surpassed them. the times where i was touched but instead of kissing him, i regarded it as my right to expect. i failed to recognize his effort in making me smile n i failed to appreciate the little things he did tt showed me how much he cared. it mayb too late now but hong, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for loving u the wrong way n assuming tt u liked it too.
i love u. i always hv n i hope somewhere inside u, i'm not juz tt another girl.
posted by Joy at
1:51 am
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